My beautiful family

My kiddos are growing so fast. I just cannot even begin to tell you how much I love them. Kollin is almost 8. Hunter will be 5 in 6 days. Avi just turned 2, and Olivia is already 4 months old. Nursing is still going great. If she would only nurse more during the day and less at night. Avi is starting to have a little bit of jealousy and I feel horrible for her, but what can ya do? I try to make as much time for her as I can, but time is short these days. Anyways, just wanted to post a few pics of my gorgeous kiddos!! The old timey looking pic are my nephews. They are some cuties and are here just as much as my kids.

Olivia Rose

My beautiful girl is here. She entered this world on me and my twin sister's birthday. What a great birthday present. I absolutely adore her. I feel so blessed. I'm def over my pity me stage. I feel as blessed as a human being ever could. I think my hormones were just wonky. I have the best kiddos in the world. Kollin is a loving sweet boy who loves his brother and sisters so much. He loves to act silly (sometimes a little more silly than Mama cares for, but not bad). He loves playing with his brother and sister and cousins. He is just a very good boy. Hunter is my comedian. He loves to make people laugh. He was my grumpy baby. I used to have to beg him to give me loves, but now he gives them freely without me even having to ask. He is absolutely adorable. Avi simply melts the heart of everyone who meets her. Her pretty little smile and the precious way she does...well...everything just makes her so cute. My newest addition has been very mellow so far, which is exactly what I needed. We are actually sucessfully nursing this time and I feel fabulous about it. I do feel a sense of guilt however for not having done so with the others, all this flu crap just gave me a lot more motivation to try and we are actually doing quite well with it. Olivia was my smallest baby so far. Kollin was 8lbs 10ozs, Hunter was 7lbs 4ozs, Avi was 7lbs 1oz, and Olivia weighed in at 6lbs 13ozs. She is beautiful.

Almost There

I am so ready to be done!! Counting down the days. Sixteen days until my c-section!! I am so excited. I really wish she would come before then. I'm fighting my sugars and I am so afraid that something is going to happen to her before I can get her here. My sugars were in control, but this week they've not wanted to come down. My fasting is a little high and my two hour postprandial have been high as well. I had one two hour at 199 on Saturday. The others have been around the 170's which is still too high. Today after breakfast it was a little lower at 147, but that is still higher than they want it. It should be below 120 at the two hour mark. Sixteen days is not that long. I just need to grit my teeth and bare it. Anyone who has been here knows how long it can feel though. Pregnancy is one of the rare times in life that time can speed up and stand still all at the same time. I'm only up 15 lbs which is good, I just hope that I can actually lose some weight after I have her. Derek has lost 45 lbs in the last couple of months and is still maintaining his walk/workout schedule so I'm hoping that he can motivate me to do the same after I have her. I am sooooo ready to meet my Olivia. Everybody keep me and my daughter in your prayers.

Almost 30 weeks. Chugging along nicely!!

So I'll be 30 weeks come Sunday. I am so excited. That is 3/4 of the way through. Actually a little more than that because I'll have a scheduled cesarean at about 39 weeks. So not too much longer now. Of course it feels like forever away, but I'm sure it won't be too much longer. I went yesterday and had some 3d pics of Ms.Olivia. They were beautiful. It's hard to say exactly who she is gonna look like. Avi looks a lot like Kollin, but I think Olivia is going to look a lot like Hunter. At the same time though. Olivia's face looks a lot like Avi's newborn pics as well. I guess we'll have to wait and see when she comes out and starts to really come into her features. One thing I know is that she is going to be beautiful no matter what. I'm not a proud Mama am I? I seem to be doing better with my funk I've been in. I'm not doing very much around the house, which probably puts everybody else into a funk, but I'm feeling a fair bit better on most days. I think a lot of the stress has been due to the babysitting I've been doing. I was dealing with a lot of children and it was really, really, really stressful. I haven't had anybody but my own children for the past few weeks because of various reasons and my mood has greatly improved. I think it has just been too hard being pregnant and trying to deal with so many little ones. I truly believe though that it has prepared me to deal with having so many of my own little ones. As a matter of fact I kind of think that when Olivia gets here it will be fairly easy after dealing with so many more. I'll be completely done with the babysitting at the end of the month. I don't plan on going back to it. I still don't know what I'll be doing job wise because I don't know what shift Derek will be working. If he works days, then I will probably just continue to stay home. Daycare would just simply make it silly to go out and get a job on days, and I WILL NOT work nights while I have kids in school. I'm not going to miss out on their lives. If he goes back to days then after a few months at home with Olivia I may try to find another job. Who knows what is in store for us. Only God knows. I really believe that with four children to raise that my place is at home, but like I said, I really have no idea right now what will happen. It depends on whether or not we are surviving. Well anyways I guess I've rambled enough. Hope everyone has a great day!!

26 Weeks

Well, I'm 26 weeks pregnant today!! Wonderful place to be. My baby should be around the 2lb range and around 13 inches long now. I feel her flip flopping around in my belly most of the day, but especially in the evenings. Avi loves to kiss my big belly. If I leave the house for some reason, when I come back she kisses the belly first and then kisses me. She cracks me up. I'm feeling a little better at the moment. I'm sure I'll have another pity party soon, but I really think it's just the hormones. Hopefully it will all be better when I have Olivia and can get back to doing things without my body aching so. Kollin just had his seventh birthday. I can't believe my baby is seven. How in the world did that happen. Hunter is four and Avi is almost 17 months. My kids are growing up too fast. I can't keep up with them. Anybody know how to slow down the process without causing any harm? Lol...nah, I know they are ready to grow up, I'm just not ready to get old. If only I could keep them with me forever. I know I can't, but what I wouldn't give just to pause time and keep us all young forever. So scary growing old. I'll be 28 in December. Right about the time Olivia gets here. That is getting awfully close to 30. My poor hunny just had his 30th. He was not thrilled about it, but he's coping pretty well. I told him that I was now married to an old man. Lol....gotta love him. Well, I guess I've rambled enough for one night. Goodnight all!!!

So Frustrated!!!

So yesterday I was 23 weeks pregnant. This is an exciting place to be, but I could not get myself even remotely excited about anything yesterday. I don't know if it is just pregnancy hormones or if I'm just depressed, but I can't seem to get out of this funk I'm in. I do so much all day long and it looks like I've done nothing. Of course if it looks like I've done nothing people are going to assume that to be true, (even though it is far from it)there just seems to be no appreciation for the wife/mother anymore. No one says this to me, but I can sense it in the air around me. It is so frustrating. I'm miserably pregnant with my fourth child and each pregnancy has been harder and harder because I've been larger and larger with each one. I'm definitely grateful to be having my little Olivia, I just wish I wasn't so miserable. This on top of the worthless feeling I have trying so hard at home and never succeeding is leaving me feeling like absolute crap. It makes me wonder if this is the way most women at home feel or if it is just me. I also wonder if on any given day I can walk into other SAHM's homes and expect to see a mess just like mine or if my house is truly always as bad as it seems to be. I can't get past these feelings of awful guilt at what a bad job I think I'm doing at home. If I didn't have spots in my home (such as the carpets) that just refuse to come clean no matter how hard I scrub, I wouldn't feel so bad, but I do have such terrible messes that just refuse to come clean and it leaves me feeling dirty all day long even if I do manage to keep the house picked up and clean for more than 10min. I thought that things would get better once all the big kids went back to school, but now all my kids are sick. School germs are the worst. I hate to complain so much. In my heart I know I'm blessed beyond all measure. I just wish I could get my body and mind to realize the same thing. Anyways I guess I've rambled enough.

It's a girl!!

Okay so I went for my ultrasound today @ 20 weeks and 2 days!! What do you know? It's another little girl. I am so psyched. They said everything looked great!! She was 11 oz. The profile of her little face looked identical to Avi's!! I can not even begin to tell you how excited I am. Her name will be Olivia Rose!! Kollin came up with Olivia so we had to stick with it!! I happened to ask him one day what a good name for our baby would be if it was a girl and he just popped Olivia right out! So Olivia it is. Rose is in honor of my Nana Rosie. My great grandmother. Such a wonderful woman. She passed away from cancer when I was in the 5th grade. Anyways, I know I don't update often, but maybe enough people read it for me to bother now and then. Goodnight for now!! P.S. poor Hunter wanted a baby brother, but I think he's okay with the idea of another baby sister!! I thought that was funny!!