Monday, August 17, 2009

So Frustrated!!!

So yesterday I was 23 weeks pregnant. This is an exciting place to be, but I could not get myself even remotely excited about anything yesterday. I don't know if it is just pregnancy hormones or if I'm just depressed, but I can't seem to get out of this funk I'm in. I do so much all day long and it looks like I've done nothing. Of course if it looks like I've done nothing people are going to assume that to be true, (even though it is far from it)there just seems to be no appreciation for the wife/mother anymore. No one says this to me, but I can sense it in the air around me. It is so frustrating. I'm miserably pregnant with my fourth child and each pregnancy has been harder and harder because I've been larger and larger with each one. I'm definitely grateful to be having my little Olivia, I just wish I wasn't so miserable. This on top of the worthless feeling I have trying so hard at home and never succeeding is leaving me feeling like absolute crap. It makes me wonder if this is the way most women at home feel or if it is just me. I also wonder if on any given day I can walk into other SAHM's homes and expect to see a mess just like mine or if my house is truly always as bad as it seems to be. I can't get past these feelings of awful guilt at what a bad job I think I'm doing at home. If I didn't have spots in my home (such as the carpets) that just refuse to come clean no matter how hard I scrub, I wouldn't feel so bad, but I do have such terrible messes that just refuse to come clean and it leaves me feeling dirty all day long even if I do manage to keep the house picked up and clean for more than 10min. I thought that things would get better once all the big kids went back to school, but now all my kids are sick. School germs are the worst. I hate to complain so much. In my heart I know I'm blessed beyond all measure. I just wish I could get my body and mind to realize the same thing. Anyways I guess I've rambled enough.


  1. Penny,
    I feel your pain....I have often thought these same thoughts and it does get you down. I don't think you're worthless. If you want, I'd love to come over one day when the kids are in school and visit and give a helping hand. Love you honey!!

  2. Ditto! Ok, so you read my post and obviously I feel the same way! Thank you for your sweet comment! I'm praying for you too!

  3. Penny,
    Although right now I am only home for a bit I have been feeling your pain for 2 1/2 years and still feeling it. My house seems to always look a wreck no matter how hard I clean it. I have just come to the realization that we live in our home and we love each other and this is how it is going to look till Wade gets older to help keep it alittle cleaner. Now that mom is so sick I have quit fussing over the little things Wade is doing and just enjoying him being little. Enjoy your kids, do what you can on the house and just live life to the fulliest. No matter how hard we clean there is always going to be house work but your kids are only small and home with you once. Hope this helps some and you are not worthless by no means.